Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
