why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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