dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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