He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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