At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
