so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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