guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
