Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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