If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize