Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
