Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
