You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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