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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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• (619): View more from California

  He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  #1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."

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• (315): View more from New York

  Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.

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• (530): View more from California

  I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.

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