Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
