I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
