Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
