He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
