I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
