Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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