I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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