The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
