So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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