I seem to have left my pride at pride
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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