He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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