Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize