my phone needs a breathalizer
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
