I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
