dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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