I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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