This girl is more easily done than said...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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