I am puke
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
