i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
