Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
