My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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