I smell stomach acid.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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