dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
