i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
