we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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