Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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