I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
