so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i would punch a child for taco bell
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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