sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
