i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
