I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
