My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
