he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
