She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
