How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
