The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
