I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
