And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
