After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Someone shit on the floor
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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