Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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