Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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