she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Less talking, more tequila
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
