tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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