What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
