the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you have to choose: penises or morals?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
