ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
