Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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