I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
