Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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