I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
