Sacagawea was the original milf.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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