Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
