standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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