why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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