you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize