so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
