found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm too high and old for this...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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